A middle-aged man's attempts to make his dream come true

This is about my attempts to break through writers' block, which I have been struggling with for the last twenty years or so. But I am not giving up. It has been my dream to earn a living from my pen since I was 13. The dream alters periodically - sometimes I want to write a novel, sometimes a stage play, a radio play, tv play, sitcom, etc. But always a fictional story.
When I was younger, I finished stuff all the time. I marvel now at how I did it. Whole, full-length plays I finished in months, sometimes weeks. It didn't matter what they were like - and some of them were dreadful.
People who don't write fiction might wonder why I bother. It's not as if there aren't great authors already, going all the way back to Homer. But I've had the urge to tell stories for as long as I can remember.
I don't know who you are. If you're just starting out, maybe you could learn from my mistakes, which have been considerable. If you're suffering from writers' block yourself, maybe you can take comfort from the fact that somebody is going through the same thing. And if you're a successful writer who's never suffered from writers' block, maybe you could have a good laugh at my expense.
Writing this makes me feel like Georges Simenon writing a novel in a glass cage, for passers-by to gaze at. But I'm hoping that, as I share my working notes, it will compel me to finish a project. And another, and another, until my work gets through.
Here goes...

Thursday 15 April 2010

Shirt cardboard

On Monday, I got a piece of shirt cardboard, glossy white on both sides, and divided it into twenty squares using the spine of a hardback book as a straight edge. Each square represents a chapter in my novel.
I learned this particular technique from a book called How to write and sell a synopsis by Stella Whitelaw. You write in each square what you want in each chapter. So it could read something like this :
Chapter Seven : Letter arrives-shock-Tina rings her sisters-Arguments-Car journey to Knightsbridge (describe streets)-Tina finds hotel(describe)-Brian is sitting in the lobby.
Ever since I read Stella Whitelaw's book, I've been itching to try. In fact, I had three sheets of shirt cardboard ready and waiting. You can create your own codes (I'm using A/D for Another Day), and you can even use different coloured felt-tips for different things, i.e.; yellow = describe, blue = establish mood, etc. In fact, it was probably the idea of using different colours which appealed to me in the first place.
This chapter breakdown wasn't for my Twelfth Night project. I haven't given up on that idea ; but day after day, I kept thinking that the Twelfth Night project simply wasn't what I wanted to write. Not yet, anyway. It didn't feel ready. This depressed me at the time. The Twelfth Night project was at least an idea. Without an idea, I'd be starting from scratch. But in the end, I put it aside.
Instead, I began writing practice again, filling up an A5 spiral notebook with any old junk I could think of. I'd write a subject at the top of the page, but wouldn't necessarily stick to it. I've been doing writing practice on and off ever since I read about it in Natalie Goldberg's Writing down the bones. It becomes almost meditation. You get to the point where your unconscious mind takes over. That's where all the goodies are.
And I filled a whole notebook. From beginning to end. Normally, I'd leave at least a few pages blank, but this time I made it to the end. What I wrote may or may not become seeds for future projects. The main thing for me, this time, was to let my mind go blank.
I felt like I was in the wilderness (although one of the benefits of writing practice was that I did feel like I was storytelling). But then I began daydreaming about some previous ideas I'd already had. One of them was the Twelfth Night project. Another one was about an unemployed school-leaver. So I looked again at the latter.
I often get cold feet when I begin a project. With this one, I'd had an idea, jotted down a few notes about it, got fed up with planning, started writing the actual draft, got scared that I hadn't planned it enough and then abandoned it. But clearly the passion hadn't gone. I must have still cared about it. (This will probably happen with my Twelfth Night project, too). So I began jotting down more notes. And so far, I've been sailing.
I wasn't really ready for the shirt cardboard. I began filling in the squares. The prologue and chapter one were easy enough, because I'd actually written those. But chapter two was sketchier, and I definitely wasn't ready for chapter three. Still, the cardboard is ready to fill in as soon as I feel I know the story.
I made two attempts at the chapter breakdown, with two pieces of shirt cardboard. The first one I divided into thirty squares, for thirty chapters. But after a while, I began wondering whether I had enough story for that. I'm making it a rule of thumb that the unemployed hero should argue with, or lie to somebody in each chapter. This isn't going to be a thriller, the hero's life isn't in jeopardy, so I cannot fill the chapters with physical hazards. So there has to be human drama instead - characters trying to change other characters' minds.
I didn't have thirty arguments/lies. And then it occurred to me that perhaps this isn't going to be a full-length novel anyway, but a thinner teenage novel. Hence the second piece of shirt cardboard, divided into twenty squares.
If you're still reading this, if I haven't lost you with all this talk of shirt cardboard and abandoned projects, all I can say is : I feel happy. I feel like I'm getting somewhere. I get up in the mornings knowing what I have to do to move the project along, and I can't wait. I just hope the feeling lasts, at least until I'm writing the actual text again. Perhaps if I bought some coloured felt-tips...

3 comments:

Moll said...

Hey! I couldn't find way to e-mail you and I wanted to respond to the comment you left on my blog.

I DO think it is really important to read a lot if you write. It will help your writing tremendously. But you don't need to start with Tolstoy. Read books like the one you are trying to write. Hopefully you will become a reading addict through the process and you just might be motivated to bang out a few more pages in the manuscript. ;)

Cheers!

starvinginhisgarret said...

Dear Rebecca,
You're absolutely right. But I do want to get around to the classics one day, too.
Thank You

Me said...

Hey!!
That's an interesting idea! I never thought of putting chapters up on a cardboard--or heard the idea before--but I like it! It must be quite useful to write a synopsis to present to agents. But during the actual writing process, I'm not sure it would work for me! I can't plan ahead. I know how to start, what's going to happen in general, but that's all. When I start writing, new elements happen and I go with the flow! I'm glad you're happy and that writing makes you happy!